plz talk dirty to me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
