Who wears a wallet chain?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
