Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
