In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
