I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
this hospital has no fireball
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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