I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
