Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
