I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
