I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
