the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
