She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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