i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
