you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We left the knife in your bed.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
