He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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