I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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