At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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