You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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