My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
