wrigley field is MILF paradise
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long