i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"