Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.