It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF