Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
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