new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
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My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'