What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.