I think I am morally bankrupt
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
