Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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