Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
