Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
