This is not my ceiling
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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