My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
