her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
