Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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