I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
