just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
