I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
