You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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