I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
