my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
