I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
