The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
