Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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