I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
