so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
