forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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