and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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