you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.