okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How does it feel to date your dad?