im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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