I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
