How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
