I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
