U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
