Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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