my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
