Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
