Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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