So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
