Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
