I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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