well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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