Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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