Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
