we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
