Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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