That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
