k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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