the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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