Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
