I puked a lego.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
