I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
